Roller Coaster Fear!

I have this incredible fear of roller coasters! It is not so much the fear of heights, but the fear of that feeling you get inside your stomach! It is a feeling that I can't stand and it only makes me feel bad instead of making me feel good.

When I was younger, I was very scared of roller coasters because I had this feeling that I might fly off! My aunts and uncles were always fanatics of these rides and tried numerously to persuade me to get on one. I was so scared that I much rather go somewhere else while they waited in line and got on the ride.

One time they tried forcing me into this one ride, that to them was "not that bad," but to me, it was if I was lining up to my death. I was crying and complaining the whole time I was in line. My nine year old brain kept telling me that I was going to have a panic attack if I got on "Jaguar" at Knott's Berry Farm. Eventually my aunts and uncles decided they tortured me enough and they told me that I didn't have to get on.

Now when I look back at it, "Jaguar" is really not THAT scary. I have gone on it multiple times, but when I look at it, I still remember the time when years back I was almost going to wet my shorts in line. For some reason, I still don't like roller coasters and I don't know if it has to do with the fact that I was going to be forced on one. Now since I am an adult I have the choice of getting on one or not. It's very empowering to know that it is MY decision.

I do have to admit! It is embarrassing when you have to confess your fear of roller coasters. People look at you as if they were thinking, "What a big baby!" I tell them my traumatic experience as a kid and I am pretty sure they still think I am a big baby.

Many people tell me that I have to conquer my fears and just get on as many roller coasters as possible to get over it, but I say "No!" It's not like I have NEVER been on the scary rides. I have been on rides such as "Ghost Rider," "Supreme Scream," and some other crazy roller coaster at Knott's Berry Farm. I was persuaded by other groups of people I went with at the time. I didn't want to seem like the "Big Baby" so I obliged.

It was STILL a horrible experience for me. When when I was on the ride, I kept repeating to myself, "Why? Oh why did I get on this?!" I wanted by a blink of an eye to be back on safe ground as the roller coaster climbed the incline to dive down with incredible speed. I felt this horrible feeling in my guts. They felt as if they were going to sink down into my bladder. It was so weird. I found out that I did NOT like this feeling what so ever!

When the nightmare was over and it was time to get off the ride, I had a great big smile on my face because I knew that I had at least tried and it and found out that I absolutely, HATED it! I had to show others and myself that I CAN'T possibly get used to roller coasters because I don't enjoy them at all! There are some things that one just doesn't get used to or could ever learn to tolerate or like. Roller coasters for me are one of my greatest fears, besides ghosts and the supernatural; but that is another blog entry in general.

My boyfriend asked me if I would ever go on roller coasters with him and I said, "Yes sweety, on 'Jaguar.'" He laughed at my answer. He knows my long history of fear of roller coasters and has tried to convince me like many before to get on one, but my decision is firmly made: Roller coasters are not for me! He is going with his cousins and friends to Six Flags, and he invited me. Automatically I tell him that I don't want to go and that it is totally fine if he goes with them. He wanted to make sure that I wouldn't feel left out, but to me I much rather do something else that day. I don't really see the point of waiting in line with them and not getting on the rides. I much rather him have a good time with his cousins, than be the party pooper.

Maybe someday I will go to such events, but as a baby sitter or a tag along, non participant. It is funny how something most people love, I can't really be part of because I don't share the same feelings. What I do know is that I am not any better or worse of a person because I can't join others in their love of roller coasters. I really do wish I did love them, but unfortunately I don't. That is the way of life.

I think this Thursday, I am going to enjoy being a calm, non thrilling person with some other friends far far away from Six Flags and their crazy roller coasters. :)

-spunks